Today's sermon in church gave me a new revelation. The series title is Love & Respect: Marriage Matters. It is based on the book by Emerson Eggerichs (which I've heard of but haven't read). The concept of a man loving a woman and a woman respecting a man is not new to me, I've heard this taught before. What I could appreciate in a new way today is that we aren't exactly taught what unconditional love for a female looks like and what unconditional respect for a male looks like.
I can have a longer conversation around this but I want to cut to the chase about what I realized today. As a female I can think of many many ways that you can show me love and make me feel loved, valued, and appreciated. I think I have a good understanding of what respect means and looks like but I had to accept today that I can't really understand all the little ways that respect looks and feels to a male. I'm not looking for an answer or a guide book on respect but I think understanding that just like the concept of love seems to be a no brainer to me, as a female, I need to operate out of some humility for what respect looks and feels like to a male.
Our pastor mentioned that men and masculinity in today's society are often the butt of all jokes. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with that but it's something to think about. Similarly, what am I saying in private that affects how I act/respond in public? What did occur to me after hearing that statement is that as a black female I see a lot in society and culture that makes me believe a lot of males do not deserve respect. Again not getting into whether this is an absolute truth or not..what happens when I see, believe, and take all this in is that in the moments that matter when I am in a position of demonstrating unconditional respect to a male will I be able to do that or will my head and heart be full of the reasons that respect should be earned and I should first be loved to show respect. Again stay with me, if I cannot show respect until loved and the poor poor males who can barely conceptualize love :) are to first love me...who will come out victorious in this chess match?
My prayer today is that I can learn to be a woman who loves God and respects her man in a way that gives him what he needs to be a man who loves God and loves me. You can play with semantics if you want and have the man first love the woman to then respect him but since this is my blog and I am the "I" , I have to take responsibility for myself first.
During the sermon, it was obvious my pastor was a little tired. It was his third time preaching the same message in one day and we are in the early stages of a 3 year capital campaign. He told us to turn to Ephesians and then kept referencing Philippians when he did in fact mean Ephesians. Then he twisted some words and said something to the effect of "a man should love a woman who loves his man" but was able to laugh at himself for that one. It was a well preached sermon but not without obvious flaws. But when he got off the stage, his wife, who was sitting in front of me, didn't mention any of those things to him. She just leaned in and hugged him and held the embrace for a long long time. I could tell from his body language that that was what he needed. And that is what inspired this post. A demonstration of respect. An embrace she initiated that helped him feel adequate and respected, in turn reciprocated an embrace that let her feel loved and valued. [I think to think that she will tell him about himself later on today ;)]
Are you able to demonstrate respect, unconditionally, to an important male in your life? Have you seen it demonstrated in a healthy way? Are you able to demonstrate love, unconditionally, to an important female in your life? Have you seen it demonstrated in a healthy way?
Most of the people who read this blog are single females so it's not exactly the same conversation as if we were married and in committed long term relationships. I also know you (like me) have a lot of feelings around the many ways that men don't deserve respect because of...(lol believe me I've got a list too) but that's why I want to grow and be challenged with not harboring all of these things against the man/men in my life who are willing to love and be loved by me, including my future husband.
Anywho, I need to end this rather long post that has lots of run on sentences and errors around indirect and direct objects. Because I love country music and this song came to my mind when I was driving home from church here is a little lesson from Tammy Wynette..."cause after all, he's just a man"
I can have a longer conversation around this but I want to cut to the chase about what I realized today. As a female I can think of many many ways that you can show me love and make me feel loved, valued, and appreciated. I think I have a good understanding of what respect means and looks like but I had to accept today that I can't really understand all the little ways that respect looks and feels to a male. I'm not looking for an answer or a guide book on respect but I think understanding that just like the concept of love seems to be a no brainer to me, as a female, I need to operate out of some humility for what respect looks and feels like to a male.
Our pastor mentioned that men and masculinity in today's society are often the butt of all jokes. I'm not saying I agree or disagree with that but it's something to think about. Similarly, what am I saying in private that affects how I act/respond in public? What did occur to me after hearing that statement is that as a black female I see a lot in society and culture that makes me believe a lot of males do not deserve respect. Again not getting into whether this is an absolute truth or not..what happens when I see, believe, and take all this in is that in the moments that matter when I am in a position of demonstrating unconditional respect to a male will I be able to do that or will my head and heart be full of the reasons that respect should be earned and I should first be loved to show respect. Again stay with me, if I cannot show respect until loved and the poor poor males who can barely conceptualize love :) are to first love me...who will come out victorious in this chess match?
My prayer today is that I can learn to be a woman who loves God and respects her man in a way that gives him what he needs to be a man who loves God and loves me. You can play with semantics if you want and have the man first love the woman to then respect him but since this is my blog and I am the "I" , I have to take responsibility for myself first.
During the sermon, it was obvious my pastor was a little tired. It was his third time preaching the same message in one day and we are in the early stages of a 3 year capital campaign. He told us to turn to Ephesians and then kept referencing Philippians when he did in fact mean Ephesians. Then he twisted some words and said something to the effect of "a man should love a woman who loves his man" but was able to laugh at himself for that one. It was a well preached sermon but not without obvious flaws. But when he got off the stage, his wife, who was sitting in front of me, didn't mention any of those things to him. She just leaned in and hugged him and held the embrace for a long long time. I could tell from his body language that that was what he needed. And that is what inspired this post. A demonstration of respect. An embrace she initiated that helped him feel adequate and respected, in turn reciprocated an embrace that let her feel loved and valued. [I think to think that she will tell him about himself later on today ;)]
Are you able to demonstrate respect, unconditionally, to an important male in your life? Have you seen it demonstrated in a healthy way? Are you able to demonstrate love, unconditionally, to an important female in your life? Have you seen it demonstrated in a healthy way?
Most of the people who read this blog are single females so it's not exactly the same conversation as if we were married and in committed long term relationships. I also know you (like me) have a lot of feelings around the many ways that men don't deserve respect because of...(lol believe me I've got a list too) but that's why I want to grow and be challenged with not harboring all of these things against the man/men in my life who are willing to love and be loved by me, including my future husband.
Anywho, I need to end this rather long post that has lots of run on sentences and errors around indirect and direct objects. Because I love country music and this song came to my mind when I was driving home from church here is a little lesson from Tammy Wynette..."cause after all, he's just a man"
If this post rubs you the wrong way BUT you still feel that you are loved/respected unconditionally the way you should be than I'd loved to hear about it. But if it rubbed you the wrong way AND you are not being treated the way you feel you should be treated maybe you should just consider the role and love and respect play in your relationships.
The best is yet to come,
~Adwoa
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